All of my fires
have been put out now,
from the pyre of my heart
to the ember of my eye.
Once, dangerous flames
travelled in my wake
but all are subdued now.
And I think:
what use is a beacon
without a reason to burn?
Empty roomsIn empty rooms
vast quantities of nothing exists
where no naked eye
can observe the nothingness within.
When lounging in another room
or when a door just clicks closed
silent as a cacophony
in those empty rooms beyond.
And when a head peeks round a door
(like a feather
slowly drifting back down from a great height)
there really is just nothing
nothing happening in those empty rooms
nothing happening within.
MelancholicAfter my father died, life continued. Still, I was always taken aback by his terrible absence, marked so bitterly by the thick layer of dust that settled about the house. It lay in every corner, in deep slopes, and no amount of cleaning could unsettle it.
And in a similar way, every time I listened to a piece of music he would have admired, or a book he would have recommended, he passed across my memory, and then I would simply think, Oh.
When I slept, he told me things. In my dreams he whispered secrets, but they were soundless for there were no more secrets.
Sometimes, when at work or while shoe shopping or between mouthfuls at dinner, I would be bowled over by a surge of plaintive emotion. One that has no true name but one that is cruel and ruinous.
I always told myself: Things will get better. But they never did.
ZenithThere is a cerulean skyline
that I look to
when I wake up sad,
with no one to explain
this feeling to.
There is something out there,
between the dreams,
that I need to understand.
That outer limit,
I don't ever reach it,
but I want to.
This won't last forever.
I'm on my way.
RecallI hold my head in my hands
and begin to think,
attempt to recollect,
memory of you.
with your body
still close to mine.
to be asleep
when I know that you
are watching me.
through your hair
for your happy-cat smile.
All of them
are decent thoughts,
but nothing sparks.
Nothing reminds me
of that painful love
that went away
some time ago.
I can only remember
your excuses falling,
against my head
and arguments burning,
aching my failing love,
memory of you.
HindsightRegret is hindsight's backbone,
self-pity his creeping heart,
and bone fingers that scratch
as they work into your mind.
Leering lips, empty eyes
and crooked skeletal legs.
He shadows behind
waiting until he is needed
until a moment of nostalgia
pushes you back.
Paranoia over past happenings
is the poison that he seeps into you.
And when he's finished
he steps away again
but only for a moment.
WomanismAfter only so many days,
An ache creeps into me.
It is a balloon of pity,
But simply for myself, mind.
Such a furore stirs
That in the time between,
I am just a little girl,
No need for rights here.
I'll make you tea,
I'll wear clenching dresses,
I'll beg, cherish, plead.
When we meet again,
After only so many days,
You'd be searching long
To find these thoughts.
OrisonAlways look towards that
giant blind horizon.
Claw at it, keep going even
when you are raw.
Behind you lies every mistake
you ever made, even the
ones you hid.
Hold onto that desire burning
a chasm in your heart.
Never pity your
escape from the past.
Never forget it either.
Little BirdI feel your sure heart in my hands;
There is a terror over you.
One small squeeze
And paradise awaits.
I cocoon you between these two walls
And wait for your shrill howl
Are you not afraid?
You do not know that I am benign.
But your quivering silence
Is sound enough for me.
I never meant you any harm;
Fly like I will never know how.
Dear Moon:Dear Moon:
How could I forget you?
Your man and I
Have spoken for years,
I've been too busy to talk.
We worked our way
Through every utterance,
We wept and shouted in delight.
But a wedge grew,
And slowly our hands separated,
Until only fingertips
I need him most.
Please pass a message on:
Let's talk again.
LesbianGod loved the two girls at the end of my street.
Everywhere they went, they went together,
hand-in-hand so they didn't get lost,
laughing at everything and nothing
all at once.
He was so proud of them.
They never stole, they never swore,
they brushed their teeth twice a day
and always said their prayers.
It was a gift, said the townspeople,
that two girls as perfect as they were
were born in the same place.
an even greater gift, said they,
that those two were the best of friends.
Long nights spent giggling in rooms with closed doors
was a good thing, back then.
halfway between their houses
and in the middle of the street,
they realized that they loved each other.
A gaze lingered a moment too long,
a heart beat a little too fast...
They kissed for the first time on a park bench,
hidden from the rest of the world.
God doesn't love them anymore.
Dear mother, dear father
Dear brother, dear sister
Don't worry, you still have each other
And without me you're all so much stronger
Leave me behind and let me go, I promise the days will get brighter
Dear teachers, dear counselors
Dear therapists, dear doctors
You have my gratitude for what you all did
But I hit rock bottom too many times, and this last one was it
The end of the road again, as if no one could have kept me from a coffin
I was not fit to live life
I failed at everything, every time
I sincerely did my very best, I really tried
I just could no longer stand feeling so powerless inside
I lay wide awake every night
I prayed and prayed and asked "why?"
I was always silently drowning in the tears I cried
I am done with suffering, so this is where I draw the line
This is the end
One with a resentful beginning
It all came crashing down to nothing
It's what's only right, so I know what I'm doing
Dear friends, dear betrayers
Dear relatives, dear des
A simple HeartHe remains bewildered before her calm eyes,
a sorry escaping his lips for the millionth time.
Yet with a shrug, she smiles and lets him know
it no longer mattered, he only tore a heart in two.
I DON'T BECAUSE...I don't start conversations
because I feel like I'm being annoying.
I feel like I'm being clingy and desperate
and that no one will care,
but rather look for an escape route.
I don't walk up to people
because I feel like I'm being intrusive.
I wasn't invited, so what right do I have to approach them
and try to mingle?
I don't say much
because I don't feel right
burdening other people with my thoughts
or my problems.
They're mine; I should suffer them alone.
I don't ask for anything
because I feel like I'm being needy.
Others shouldn't have to provide for me,
even when I cannot provide for myself.
I should be able to take care of it
and fix things on my own.
I don't put myself in the spotlight
because who am I to strut around as a peacock?
Besides, I'll probably only end up making a fool of myself.
I don't compliment myself
because I feel like I'm being so vain.
So I won't believe your compliments either.
I don't come around you much
because I'm afraid you'll
HetaliaxDepressed!Reader:Self-Inflicted AchromaticHetalia x Scary! Depressed! Reader: Self-Inflicted Achromatic
I want to be a person just like you, don't you see?
I want to be a person who is still being "me"
A tired sigh escaped your lips. You were just so damn tired. The other countries said that you, (f/n) or (c/n), was scarier than Russia himself. But of course, you have lived 2500 years with wars and bloodshed always trailing after you. You just really want to be happy. But all those wars and blood imprinted on your mind, you really just released off a dark (a/c) aura and a stoic atmosphere.
It really would be nice but I'm paying a price
'Cause I'd really, not be me and that would not suffice
You asked yourself, "I know my face doesn't show my pain. But isn't it obvious in my eyes? I'm lonely and hurt" You rubbed your numb (s/c) wrist, yesterday's cuts still had a colorless ache to it. You picked your silver knife, twirling it around watching the others argue. The said knife is the one you also use to cut yourself.
A dream which
God Told me a Secret (LGBT+ Rights)God told me a secret last night before bed,
He leaned into my ear and silently said:
"I love you my child, I really do.
"I hate none of my children, it really is true;
"But I am real angry, not with the gay, bi or straight,
"I am angered with those who only spread hate...
"This world I created is now such a sad place...
"It has been ruined by the human race.
"Why should it matter who my children date?
"It is their life so you shouldn't spread hate!
"And then when you say, 'I hate because of religion!'
"You need to open your eyes and see that hate's YOUR decision!
"You can choose between peace or spreading this hate!
"You can choose to love the gay, bi and straight!
"But as soon as you choose to hold some dumb useless grudge,
"Know that it's you who I will judge!
"All my children from all around the globe,
"Stop being such a homophobe!
"All my other creatures can get along great!
"Why is it just humans who choose to spread hate?
"I am so angry, so filled up with rage!
"My children must
SLIPPING Slipping slipping
I almost had it right in my palms
AWAY Away away
My eyes open wide like my lungs
GASPING Gasping gasping
Accumulated back into this world as I awake
PAIN Pain pain
Gathering the moments of the dream before it fades
REAPING Reaping reaping
My desired world is always taken from me
FAITH Faith faith
I never wanted it to be make belief
FEELING Feeling feeling
That unaware sensation is being ripped
BLAME Blame blame
But it's as if I am the one that is torn to shreds
anfractuous.and I have so many things yet to show you.
none of this is beautiful when compared to hair whipping out a car window in a night
so deep and far-flung from city lights that you can see by starlight for
desert grass desert dust sighing in the
wind chasing at the tires and the sky
oh my god the sky oh my god that
sky she calls
for only her wildest children tonight, she calls
for us to gallop against each other against each
other our shoulders brushing with canyons with coyotes like brothers
like sisters she calls
for us calls after us as we pelt free and far-flung beneath her black-blue starified belly pregnant with
planets pregnant with music pregnant with
wilder dreams than these